i didn't know writers block could perpetuate so long. i'm patiently waiting. in the meantime i feel like i need new words... maybe even new experiences!!!

the sad truth is that i'm so afraid to feel pain that i'm not doing much feeling at all, which really hinders the writing folks - ya gots ta feel it to write it!! i don't let people in emotionally so easily because i know how fragile i really am. and who the fuck cares anyway?? my mom recently said that "perfectionism isn't something you fix, it' something you let go of." i am soooo ready to let go of this albatross of a character trait, but i probably have to embrace it first before i let go of it.

i want someone to witness me in all of my imperfect little glory. maybe he'll still think i'm cute... and if he doesn't then it "wasn't meant to be" as they say.

i need to have a little bit more courage and put myself on the line more so that my writing can be richer and more meaningful. it's so easy to write about life from the safety of a hiding spot ... but it's so much more meaningful to write about it from the driver's seat.